What to Do If Your Kid is Addicted to Video Games
Recognizing Video Game Addiction in Your Child
It’s a beautiful day! The birds are chirping, and there’s barely a cloud in the sky. However, your child’s on their 5th straight hour of playing video games. No matter how much you argue, they won’t take your advice to find a hobby, call their friends, or work on their neglected homework and chores. Welcome to gaming disorders. Instead, they lock themselves in their room daily and increasingly avoid human contact. They overeat junk food at 3 am since they’re still up playing, and you frequently hear them angrily shouting and cursing at strangers. On top of it all, it’s plain unhealthy sitting in that chair all day in a gaming session. Nothing works, no matter how many limits you set or interesting clubs you show them.
Outside of all the challenges that arise in our modern life, you’re starting to worry that they’re addicted to video games, or gaming disorder as classified by the World Health Organization. Clinically, addiction is defined as “an individual’s inability to control the use of a substance or behavior despite negative consequences.” While a gaming addiction doesn’t work along the same chemical pathways as many drugs, they still trigger the “feel-good chemical” dopamine in the brain. Along with gambling, exercise, shopping, and other innumerable other activities, these are known as behavioral or process addictions.
So, what are the warning signs of an addiction for children and teens? What do you do if your kid is addicted to video games? Time to cut off internet access? The following steps can help your child overcome their addiction and also nurture a stronger relationship between you both.
Key Takeaways: What to Do If Your Kid is Addicted to Video Games
– Recognize the signs of gaming addiction: Understand the behavioral patterns and symptoms that indicate video game addiction in your child.
– Explore the root causes: Address the emotional and psychological reasons behind excessive gaming, such as anxiety, loneliness, or depression.
– Collaborate on solutions: Work with your child to establish boundaries around gaming time while maintaining a supportive and understanding relationship.
– Seek professional help if needed: In severe cases, consider therapy or support groups to guide your child toward a healthier life balance.
Step 1: Support Their Video Games!
Yes, I know. This may seem counterintuitive at best and enabling at worst. You might even be thinking about skipping this section or the article altogether. However, it can be a remarkably effective, even necessary, starting point.
To begin: Think of something you love doing. Now, imagine someone criticizing it as unhealthy or a waste of time. How would you respond? Like most of us, you’ll probably get defensive and immediately list all the benefits of the activity or game, not least of which is just simply enjoying it. Even if part of you saw the truth in what they’re saying, most of us still wouldn’t abandon our hobbies and immediately admit we need to change.
Changing habits we enjoy never comes from criticism and outside decrees.
Your child has to trust that you understand where they’re coming from and won’t force them to give up all the positives that they’re focused on. Therefore, to start, try exploring and validating the very real benefits that video games have in their life. Here are a few they might enjoy and be thinking about:
- Building Skills. Hand-eye coordination, teamwork, resource management, critical thinking skills, and so on. Believe it or not, video games require a lot of skill-building and expertise. For instance, evidence from over 30 years suggests that both “brief and extensive experience with video games can result in a broad range of cognitive enhancements which may generalize beyond the context of video game play.”
- Social Network. It may look like they’re in their room alone, but video games are increasingly social. Many even require fine-tuned cooperation among a group of friends – yes, friends. You may never meet them, but it’s likely your child talks to and plays with their best friend online. Other games have developed complex economies, social status hierarchies, and trading among millions of users.
- Competitive Sports. Given the expertise required, it’s no surprise that eSports as a game has boomed into a multi-billion dollar industry. You may not take video games seriously, but your kid is certainly aware that stadiums are regularly packed to watch competitive gamers or that lots of streamers are making six-figure salaries. In 2023, top Twitch streamers made up to $500k per month.
Discuss each of these with your young gamer or son. And make sure to treat this early discussion as an opportunity to learn from them, not vice versa. Instead of “a waste of time,” there’s a good chance they view video games as a complex, social sport that demands real skills and can pay real money.
Next, and this is important, go one step further and play some of these games together! Not only will this create a chance for genuine bonding, which is best done over something they enjoy, but you’ll also learn just how much skill and social cooperation is necessary for these new sports. This can help you better understand the gaming world and why your child spends so much time playing video games.
Learning from them is often necessary before they ask to learn from you.
Step 2: Curiously Explore Underlying Issues
Many, if not all, addictions are secondary to a separate, deeper issue. In schema therapy, we often refer to coping or protector modes. If this is the case with your child, which it likely is, video games are used as a means to deal with negative emotions or problems, a way to meet real needs that are otherwise lacking, or both. Before you can work on solutions, you need to understand what it is you’re trying to solve.
Coping with Negative Emotions & Problems:
Social Anxiety & Loneliness.
This is a widespread issue, especially among middle school and high school students facing daunting new social situations with precious little experience on how to navigate them. Your child may also be experiencing bullying at school or over social media. Social video games can, therefore, offer some level of connection for their loneliness or much clearer structured environments, rules, and goals that bring down their anxiety. In contrast, solo, non-multiplayer games can feed into an “avoidant” or “self-soothing coping mode.” Players can drift off into their own private worlds. They’re still alone, but now feeling safe and distracted.
Generalized Anxiety.
Whether they’re anxious about schoolwork, upset or scared about fighting in the house, or there’s some other worry, players often use video games to regulate their anxiety. While this can be good when used intermittently, it becomes problematic when our “detached protector” or “self-soother” takes over. Video game addiction, like other addictions, can become a path to systematically avoiding our problems instead of working on them.
Depression.
This pervasive problem doesn’t always look like sobbing in bed for hours. It can also show up as a loss of motivation, emotion, and even enjoyment of our favorite things, known as anhedonia. At its root, depression refers to a “depressed” or lowered nervous system with decreased activation. In this case, the problem is a lack of interest in much of anything and little energy for engaging in challenges. In contrast to the world outside, video games are designed to be full to the brim with structured rewards they can relatively easily attain. When struggling with depression, this can feel like the perfect way to fill one’s hours.
Fulfilling Real Needs in Your Teen to Confront Video Game Addiction:
1. Mastery & Recognition.
As mentioned above, video games often require a lot of skill, and your child may have invested thousands of hours into developing their expertise. This, combined with social recognition and earning competitive titles or ranks, fulfills a basic need that we all have. Your child may not primarily struggle with any of the disorders above but instead have finally found something they’re genuinely good at, and on top of that are recognized for being good at it. In this respect, it’s little different than the football or cheerleading star who’s spending all their free time practicing, playing, and at the gym.
Peer Relationships.
We all need friends, someone who understands us and is always there to lend an ear. Many gamers I’ve worked with have told me that their oldest friend, often the only person they feel comfortable sharing their deepest secrets with, they rarely or have even never met in person. Considering the importance and nuances of body language and physical presence, we may see this as sad. But that doesn’t take away from the important niche that online friends fill.
Lack of Options.
While it may feel like there are endless opportunities in the real world, that’s not always the case. This has never been truer than during the COVID-19 pandemic when millions of young people were literally quarantined in their homes. For many, video games have become one, if not the only, way to spend their hours. As we’ll discuss more below, you can’t fill the void left by video games with nothing. So, first and foremost, you’ll need a realistic picture of your child’s options and how they seem them.
With each of these underlying issues, video games help your child cope with a difficult world. This is important to remember since trying to remove someone’s coping strategy will likely feel like a direct threat to their well-being. Fortunately, for many cases of video game addiction, working directly on these underlying problems might be sufficient in and of itself. But even if it’s not, it’s a necessary first step. Only after they’ve made some progress on these underlying issues can an alternative or a supplement to their video game hobby be explored.
Step 3: Collaborate on Video Game Solutions Together
Working on underlying issues is often difficult, and it will take weeks and months to progress. Throughout this process, make sure to first and foremost focus on your relationship with them and their emotions and perspective in the moment. Your child will only be responsive to the degree they can trust you and know you’re looking out for them. And once you have that rapport, they’ll only be able to improve from whatever place their currently at.
None of us can jump straight from how we’re thinking and feeling about an issue to wherever end goal we or others are aiming for us to reach. Unfortunately, this means things won’t move at the pace you want. Instead, make sure to always focus on building a relationship with your kid and moving at the pace they need. If you’re working from this foundation, the following tips will feel more like collaboration and teamwork.
Monitor Screen Time and Set Boundaries
It’s crucial to monitor your child’s screen time and set appropriate boundaries to ensure they don’t spend excessive hours playing video games. You may also want to focus on allowed video games. Many parents explain their worries and reasoning around this and then collaborate on what the specifics of this look like. Make sure to genuinely consider and incorporate their concerns and arguments, but ultimately putting your foot down if need be for your family. If they won’t negotiate explain you’ll just have to set the rule yourself in order to ensure they have a balanced daily life, including other hobbies, physical activities, and social interactions. Setting clear limits and sticking to them on gaming time can help not just repair but also prevent the development of a gaming disorder.
Addressing Physical Health Issues and Sleep Patterns
Excessive gaming can lead to physical health issues, such as poor posture, eye strain, and lack of physical activity. Additionally, disrupted sleep patterns are a common problem among children who play video games late into the night. Ensure your child has a consistent sleep schedule and encourage regular breaks from screen time to promote better physical health and sleep hygiene. Negotiating these habits and limits is similarly important, although you may want to additionally consult your pediatrician.
Brainstorm and Pursue Real Life Social Interactions
Encouraging your child to engage in real-life social interactions can help them develop important social skills and reduce their reliance on online relationships. Get together and collaborate on looking for and planning activities that involve spending time with family members, classmates, and friends in person. This can help them build stronger, more meaningful connections outside the virtual world. If they’re resistant, review the second step above for underlying issues that might be getting in their way.
Fostering a Balanced Daily Life Beyond Video Games
Encouraging your child to engage in other hobbies and activities is essential for fostering a balanced daily life. Ensure they have opportunities to explore interests outside of video gaming, such as sports, arts, and social events. Promoting a diverse range of activities can help your child develop a more rounded skill set and reduce their dependence on video games. Set boundaries on gaming time and create a structured routine that includes time for school, family, and leisure activities to support their overall growth and well-being.
Seek Professional Therapeutic Help if Needed for Playing Video Games
In severe cases of video game addiction, it might be necessary to seek professional help. Therapists who specialize in addiction and behavioral issues can provide valuable support and strategies to help your child manage their gaming habits. Similarly, psychiatrists may prescribe medications for related mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, and adhd. Don’t hesitate to contact professionals if you notice significant negative consequences in your child’s daily life due to their gaming behavior.
The Role of Support Groups for Teens Who Play Video Games
Joining support groups can provide valuable resources and community for both parents and children dealing with video game addiction. Examples include parenting, addiction, and even social gaming groups where kids are still playing games but do so with much my more healthy, interpersonal interaction so that they can build social skills, overcome anxiety, and meet other underlying issues. These various groups offer a platform to share experiences, gain insights, and receive encouragement from others facing similar challenges. Professional intervention can help your child develop healthier gaming habits and address underlying issues contributing to their addiction. Similarly, joining a group yourself may provide the validation, insight, and support you need as you step in and help your child.
Conclusion: Help Your Teen Break Their Gaming Addiction
Video game addiction is a growing concern among parents today. Suppose you notice key signs of gaming addiction in your child, such as spending too much time playing video games, neglecting other responsibilities, and experiencing negative consequences. In that case, it’s important to take action. Excessive gaming can lead to a range of physical health issues, including poor personal hygiene and neglect of other responsibilities. It’s crucial to understand where they are coming from and build a relationship, and then set boundaries and monitor your child’s screen time to prevent gaming addiction from taking over their life.
By understanding the underlying issues that drive your child’s gaming habits and video game addiction, supporting their interests, and collaborating on solutions, you can help them regain control over their life and their video game usage. Addressing technology addiction requires patience and persistence. With the right approach, your child can develop a healthy relationship with video games and other activities.
And if you’re struggling with the guidelines outlined in this article about video game addiction, make sure to give yourself patience and forgiveness. This work is difficult! There is no shame in seeking professional help. Ensure that your child receives the support they need to overcome their addiction.
By working together and fostering open communication instead of blame, you can help your child find balance and develop a healthier, more fulfilling life beyond the screen.
Book an appointment now. Help your kid stop their video game addiction at Loving at Your Best Marriage and Couples Counseling
Frequently Asked Questions: Video Game Addiction in Kids
1. What are the main signs of video game addiction in children?
Key signs include spending excessive hours playing, neglecting responsibilities like homework and chores. They may also avoid social interactions. Notice if your teen is experiencing physical symptoms such as sleep disruption and unhealthy eating habits.
2. How can I help my child reduce their gaming time without creating conflict?
Start by supporting their gaming interests and acknowledging the positive aspects of video games. Build trust by playing games with them, then collaborate to set screen time limits and ensure a balanced routine.
3. Should I cut off internet access to stop my child from playing video games?
Abruptly cutting off access can lead to more resistance and emotional distress. Instead, gradually set boundaries, engage them in conversations about balancing gaming with other activities, and involve them in the process.
4. How do video games help with underlying emotional issues like anxiety or depression?
Many children use video games as a coping mechanism to manage feelings of anxiety, loneliness, or depression. Games provide structured goals and social connections. They can temporarily alleviate negative emotions but may also reinforce avoidance of real-life challenges.
5. When should I seek professional help for my child’s video game addiction?
Suppose your child’s gaming behavior severely affects their daily life, responsibilities, or emotional well-being. In that case, it may be time to seek professional help from a therapist specializing in addiction or behavioral issues.
6. Can joining support groups help with video game addiction?
Yes, support groups for both parents and children can offer valuable resources, shared experiences, and strategies to manage gaming habits. These groups also help build healthier social interactions and address underlying emotional challenges.
