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If you have come to the point where you’re asking “why won’t my husband fight for our marriage?” Well, you should know you are not the first one to ask such a question, and you certainly won’t be the last.
It’s an exasperating situation to be in. You exchanged vows and promised to spend the rest of your lives together. So no matter what’s happening in your marriage, he should at least try to fight for it, right?
In a perfect world, yes. But we are not living in a utopian society. If we did, you wouldn’t be here reading this.
There are numerous reasons why your spouse could have given up fighting for your relationship. While he is not necessarily around to tell his side of the story, there are common reasons why most husbands do it. Note that this entry doesn’t mean to be too psychologically or technically heavy. Rather, it aims to help you understand where you are in your relationship, and more importantly, how you can make a plan to turn things around. Hopefully, you can find ways to get your partner to get on board and re-engage in your marriage.
When he’s no longer interested in making things work
People do things for different reasons. This doesn’t imply you did something that made your husband respond differently from what you expected or wanted. Consequently, it doesn’t mean you are the reason for his change in attitude towards your marriage. Your primary goal is to find out why he is not interested in saving the marriage, and from there you can seek solutions.
The problem with most people is they want to jump to conclusions and find possible solutions right away. This often does more harm than good, and doesn’t really move your relationship forward.
Here are possible reasons why your husband is not fighting for your marriage
There’s someone else
Yes, it is heartbreaking, but it is one of the most common reasons why married men lose interest in their marriage. As a matter of fact, the Institute for Family Studies says about 20% of married men report cheating on their wives.
There’s a good chance another woman has caught his attention, and he’s thinking about her all the time. If this is the case, you have a decision to make – should you fight for your marriage or leave?
If you opt for the former, then there’s hope. Statistics actually favor this, as 60 to 80% of couples survive infidelity. Some even say they are happier. Either way, the decision is entirely up to you.
Is the marriage worth saving? That’s up to you. No matter what you decide, seek professional help for guidance, together or alone.
He has lost interest in you
This is probably the easiest to recognize and solve. Unfortunately, it is so common that people simply tend to overlook it.
For some men, a stable relationship is dull and boring. And what used to be a passionate romance becomes a routine as time passes, and the marriage can become stagnant. He has lost that fire of excitement. This could be happening to your partner right now.
This doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t love you anymore.
If you feel this is the case, then your relationship is still in a good place, believe it or not. It can be easily fixed with professional help, such as marriage counseling.
Also, there is no way you have both done everything humanly possible to keep the fire burning. You simply need a break, such as a long vacation to get away from your boring and monotonous daily routine.
He may be going through tough times
It could be because of his job, finances, or loss of a loved one. Men go through crises differently than women. In many cases, they can be emotionally detached in their relationship while going through tough times.
There’s no need to talk much about losing a loved one, as most people know how it can affect anyone and their relationship. The best way to go about it is to seek professional help. Therapy can go a long way, especially for someone who has become aggressive and self-destructive.
However, if the problem arises from a financial situation, then you should know that men are twice likely to feel the financial burden on their relationship than women. This report shows the kind of pressure men are facing in today’s society. Though both men and women are expected to work and provide for their families, the former’s ego comes into play when they face financial difficulties. This could negatively affect the marriage.
This is where the importance of open communication comes into the picture. If you realize your partner is going through rough times, he needs more of your emotional support.
He wants his freedom
Some men see marriage as the shackle that keeps them from enjoying life. Some men who stop fighting for marriage feel they are stuck in their marriage and want their freedom back.
However, note that this doesn’t happen overnight, but it is usually triggered by something. It could be due to a flirtatious co-worker, feeling jealous after seeing his friends “living it up”, or simply feeling frustrated about how their relationship is going.
This is a tell-tale sign of a troubled marriage. It shows unhappiness that can’t be simply fixed with communication. It’s so much deeper than that.
If this is the case, then your husband needs help. His assumptions and expectations for your marriage are skewed. It may have deteriorated due to the concept of feeling trapped and his longing for freedom. This concept must be changed before your husband changes.
He actually wants to fight for and fix the marriage, but doesn’t know how
Both men and women have different ways of navigating through life. Just because you feel your husband won’t fight for your marriage doesn’t necessarily mean you are right. Your husband may actually want to fix your relationship, but he doesn’t know how or where to start, simply because he views the problem differently than you.
In this case, you definitely need to listen to each other. Listen with the intent to understand each other’s opinion without challenging anything, or simply trying to win the argument. The goal of the conversation is to come up with a positive outcome for your marriage.
There are tons of ways to get help. You can talk to a professional relationship coach to help fix your marriage. Go to fun activities together. Try couples retreats, etc.
Parting tips
Someone has to make the first move. Fights and arguments are common in any relationship, almost always unavoidable. It’s a bump in the road that you will both simply have to go through.
