Do I Know You from Somewhere? What Draws You and Your Partner or Spouse Together Can Also Split You Apart
Advice on Relationships: Have We Met Before? Whether you realize or not, the person you chose to be your partner or spouse most likely resembles, in some way, the person who raised us as a child, whether that be through acting in a similar way toward you, or what you may initially perceive as the opposite of your caregiver growing up. For instance, if your mother was extremely overbearing and intrusive in your childhood, you may be most attracted to a mate who seems highly independent. Later in the marriage or relationship, you may realize that what initially attracted you to your “confident” partner starts to feel more like a mate who is distant and aloof. In your marriage or relationship, if you are both curious and motivated to explore your present and past histories, you can actually repair past sensitivities, such as not being understood by your primary caregiver and often feeling alone. The result of this new dynamic between you and your partner or spouse can be that you actually get your needs met, changing your belief about yourself and what you can expect from intimate relationships.
Get Used to It: You are Wired to be Dependent on the Person You Love
We’re all wired to attach to other people, especially those we fall in love with. You depend on your partner or spouse to help you feel better when you’re hurt, afraid, sad, or feel badly about yourself. You did the same thing with your primary caregiver growing up, usually your mother or father, who created a blueprint for your intimate relationships. Just as your parent had the power to help you feel better or make you feel terrible, your partner or spouse also takes that position as the most important person in your adult life to affect your mood (your boss probably comes in a close second, but that is another topic). What makes one couple feel powerfully in love over time, almost always feeling positive sentiments toward each other, compared to a couple who fall in love, but don’t know how to love each other? For the second couple, negative experiences can pile up, they can feel miserable together, and if this isn’t addressed, the left-over issues can end up breaking them apart.
Love is an Addiction
When you fall in love, you feel a sense of euphoria that floods your nervous system with wonderful surges affecting your neurotransmitters in your mind, including dopamine and norepinephrine, similar to chemicals or substances that are addictive (i.e. alcohol, various other drugs). In the beginning of your relationship, you probably talked for hours about your dreams, your histories, and everything in-between. You probably felt that this amazing state with your partner would last forever, not realizing that both of your histories are still very much present in your lives, filtering how you see and experience things in the moment. If you’ve been hurt by prior significant relationships, those fears will most likely come up again, and you may even do things without knowing it that make it more likely that your current partner or spouse will hurt you in a similar way.
What Can You Do to Help Your Marriage or Relationship?
Understand the difference between the past and what is actually happening now in your relationship
Calm and comfort yourself when you are feeling more intense emotions
Try to understand and make sense of what is happening inside yourself and inside your partner or spouse, and work to make sense of your story from your history. How is history different from what you’re experiencing now?
Identify and express the response that you need from your partner or spouse that will help you feel better on a deeper level
How Can You Apply this Work to Your Marriage or Relationship?
One example: if you were criticized a lot by your one of your caregivers growing up, you may be extra sensitive to what you perceive as criticisms from you partner or spouse in your current life, even though he or she may simply be expressing disappointment. Inside, you believe that something is wrong with you, so whenever you perceive a slight, you can easily overreact to fight against feeling badly. If you don’t realize the difference between what you experienced with your caregiver when you were younger and what is happening now with your partner or spouse, you can easily react in a strongly defensive way, pushing your partner away and making it more likely that he or she will respond back to you in a critical way (“what is wrong with you?”).
If your partner knows you have this sensitivity, he or she can slow down and focus on responding to you in a way that helps your feel like you matter, that you’re important. Your partner can be filled with compassion and kindness toward you. This response from your partner or spouse can help you feel better, and can actually help heal your core sensitivity, the belief that there is something wrong with you, better than any other approach. This is what the Loving at Your Best Plan excels at: helping couples heal each other individually, and together in marriage and couples counseling.
Sign-up now for eTips and get the latest information on how to help your relationship thrive by completing the form below.
Privacy Policy:We never share your information with third parties. You may easily unsubscribe at any time.
You can read more about how to help save your relationship in Love and War in Intimate Relationships: Connection, Disconnection, and Mutual Regulation in Couple Therapy by Marion Solomon and Stan Tatkin.
Your point of view caught my eye and was very interesting. Thanks. I have a question for you. https://www.binance.com/ES_la/register?ref=T7KCZASX
Your point of view caught my eye and was very interesting. Thanks. I have a question for you. https://accounts.binance.com/pl/register?ref=YY80CKRN
I don’t think the title of your article matches the content lol. Just kidding, mainly because I had some doubts after reading the article. https://accounts.binance.info/en-IN/register-person?ref=UM6SMJM3
Thanks for sharing. I read many of your blog posts, cool, your blog is very good. https://accounts.binance.com/pt-BR/register-person?ref=YY80CKRN
Your article helped me a lot, is there any more related content? Thanks!
I don’t think the title of your article matches the content lol. Just kidding, mainly because I had some doubts after reading the article.
Thank you for your sharing. I am worried that I lack creative ideas. It is your article that makes me full of hope. Thank you. But, I have a question, can you help me?
Hey there! Do you know if they make any plugins to help with SEO?
I’m trying to get my site to rank for some targeted keywords but
I’m not seeing very good results. If you know of any please share.
Kudos! You can read similar blog here: Eco product
The Decide-Up featured a steel cab high over the entrance seat, whereas the Station Wagon had a full prime.
Can you be more specific about the content of your article? After reading it, I still have some doubts. Hope you can help me.
Regards for this tremendous post, I am glad I noticed this site on yahoo.
Hello there, I believe your blog could be having internet browser compatibility issues. Whenever I take a look at your blog in Safari, it looks fine however, if opening in Internet Explorer, it’s got some overlapping issues. I merely wanted to give you a quick heads up! Aside from that, fantastic blog.
You have a very nice layout for your blog, i want it to use on my site too .
I can see that you are an expert at your field! I am launching a website soon, and your information will be very useful for me.. Thanks for all your help and wishing you all the success in your business.
Excellent read, I just passed this onto a colleague who was doing a little study on that. And he actually bought me lunch because I found it for him smile So let me rephrase that: Thanks for lunch!
very nice publish, i definitely love this web site, carry on it}
the most common table lamp these days still use incandescent lamp but some of them use compact fluorescent lamps which are cool to touch-
I am glad to be a visitor of this arrant website ! , thanks for this rare info ! .
Thank you for your site post. Jones and I are actually saving to get a new publication on this issue and your post has made all of us to save our own money. Your notions really clarified all our questions. In fact, more than what we had thought of prior to when we stumbled on your wonderful blog. We no longer nurture doubts as well as a troubled mind because you have actually attended to our own needs in this post. Thanks
You made some decent points there. I looked on-line to the problem and found most individuals goes in conjunction with with all your internet site.
I am often to blogging i actually appreciate your site content. The content has truly peaks my interest. I’m going to bookmark your web blog and maintain checking for brand spanking new info.
A few things i don’t understood is at truth how you are now not necessarily really a lot more neatly-favored as compared to you may be right now. You might be so smart. You already know thus considerably concerning this matter, taught me to be separately consider it from the large amount of different sides. It’s just like people are certainly not intrigued until it is something to accomplish along with Girl coo! Your individual stuffs outstanding. All the time look after up!
I’m new to your blog and i really appreciate the nice posts and great layout.”~~-.
I love the valuable info you supply in your posts. To be honest I am not sure I can agree with you.
Our god bless people, your blog could be the approach carrier for great organization. I actually prefer we could complete certain business along.
I am perpetually thought about this, appreciate it for putting up.
What’s Taking place i am new to this, I stumbled upon this I’ve discovered It absolutely useful and it has helped me out loads. I’m hoping to contribute & help other customers like its aided me. Good job.
construction jobs are on the rise again these days because the recession is almost over’
Hi, I just found your blog via google. Your viewpoint is truly applicable to my life right now, and I’m really pleased I discovered your website.
When I originally commented I clicked the -Notify me when new surveys are added- checkbox now if a comment is added I buy four emails using the same comment. Will there be by any means you are able to eliminate me from that service? Thanks!
Perhaps you should update the php server on your webhost, WordPress is kinda slow.`;~,-
it is difficult to find some hot smokin russian wife with very good manners, most of them are just after the money;
A lot of thanks for your whole hard work on this web page. My mother enjoys setting aside time for internet research and it is easy to understand why. All of us know all regarding the powerful tactic you provide simple suggestions through the blog and improve contribution from some other people about this idea and our own simple princess is certainly studying so much. Take pleasure in the remaining portion of the new year. Your performing a pretty cool job.
Valuable info. Lucky me I found your web site by chance, and I’m shocked why this accident didn’t happened earlier! I bookmarked it.
Many thanks for the great posting. I am glad I have taken the time to see this.
I discovered your website web site on the search engines and appearance a couple of your early posts. Always keep the excellent operate. I merely extra increase Rss to my MSN News Reader. Seeking forward to reading more from you down the road!…
Vielen dank für den Beitrag. daraus kann man sich einen guten Eindruck verschaffen Grüsse Heike
Hello, I discovered your weblog in the new directory of blogs. I dont know how your website emerged. Your weblog looks good. Enjoy a nice day.
You need to participate in a contest for probably the greatest blogs on the web. I will recommend this site!
The Romulan ship is a mining ship – why is it loaded to the hilt with military grade torpedoes? The Romulan ship is from the future.
Thanks for sharing this first-class article. Very inspiring! (as always, btw)
Mi dispiace, ma, a mio parere, si sbaglia. Cerchiamo di discutere di questo. Scrivere a me in PM, ti parla.
firt aid kits… keep up your informative writing! At least i have something to look forward too when iam at work!…
Extensively, now this article is truly the best using this crucial subject matter. My spouse and i harmonise collectively findings and tend to thirstily expect to be your primary one way upgrades. Explaining kudos won’t only always be an adequate amount of, on your wonderful purity inside your crafting articles. For certain i will easily catch an individual’s feed maintain up to date of the the latest. Enlightening job and far becoming successful for your small business trades! Please justification the actual deficient Everyday terms currently far from a few initial language.
You created some decent points there. I looked on the web for the problem and located most people will go as well as using your site.
I found this website and I must say that it looks wonderful and I am glad to be a part of this community. ._________________________________ .Dayton Roofers
Play Black Ops Zombies… […]Call of Duty Black Ops zombie mode has been played by millions of gamers…[…]…
I’m curious to find out what blog system you happen to be utilizing? I’m having some small security issues with my latest site and I would like to find something more safe. Do you have any recommendations?
What are you stating, man? I know everyones got their own opinion, but really? Listen, your blog is neat. I like the energy you put into it, especially with the vids and the pics. But, come on. Theres gotta be a better way to say this, a way that doesnt make it seem like everybody here is stupid!
Very good write-up. I definitely love this site. Keep it up!
Amazing this kind of guide is definitely incredible it really aided me and also our kids, thanks a lot!
Hi, I just found your blog via google. Your post is truly applicable to my life right now, and I’m really delighted I found your website.
well, i bought some digital pedometer on the local walmart and it is great for monitoring your performance when walking”
I can’t really help but admire your blog, your blog is so adorable and nice “
Many thanks for this advice I was basically checking all Yahoo to discover it!
I would like to thnkx for the efforts you have put in writing this blog. I am hoping the same high-grade website post from you in the upcoming also. In fact your creative writing abilities has inspired me to get my own website now. Actually the blogging is spreading its wings fast. Your write up is a good example of it.
Although, regardless how positive you actually are in treating an actual platform, at some point there are an incident wherever you should want to do some people regular supervision; and in addition dependant on your real age and in addition wellbeing, and so the body-weight using the caravan it’s really a totally hard do physical exercise. caravan touch up paint
Hey very nice site!! Man .. Beautiful .. Superb .. I will bookmark your blog and take the feeds also¡¦I’m happy to find a lot of helpful info right here in the post, we need develop more techniques in this regard, thank you for sharing. . . . . .
Hello, Might I export the image and usage that on my webpage?
I’m impressed, I must say. Genuinely rarely should i encounter a blog that’s both educative and entertaining, and let me tell you, you might have hit the nail around the head. Your concept is outstanding; the catch is an element that not enough consumers are speaking intelligently about. I am very happy i always came across this at my seek out something in regards to this.
Tremendous write-up! I truly were pleased with all of the browsing. I’m hoping to view far more of you. I believe that you’ve fabulous information into together with idea. My group is exceptionally empowered utilizing this information and facts.